Laptop GPS World

CruiserC5 · #1 July 16th, 2008, 08:32 PM

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one, a reassurance for those who fly routinely in our jobs.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a 'gripe sheet,' which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

************************************************** ***********
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

************************************************** ***********
P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

************************************************** ***********
P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

************************************************** ***********
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

************************************************** ***********
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

************************************************** ***********
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

************************************************** ***********
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

************************************************** ***********
P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

************************************************** ***********
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

************************************************** ***********
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

************************************************** ***********
P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

************************************************** ***********
P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

************************************************** ***********
P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

************************************************** ***********

And the best one for last..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds

like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.

Marvin Hlavac · #2 July 16th, 2008, 08:50 PM

P: No need to use bold font all of the time.

S: OK, from now on I will use bold font only when typing.

CruiserC5 · #3 July 17th, 2008, 05:17 AM

P: Alright matey, help beam me up NOW....

S: Okidoki!! But the thrusters needs servicing first....

Marvin Hlavac · #4 July 17th, 2008, 05:37 AM

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Laptop GPS World

What would YOU have said or done...???

What would YOU have said or done...???